


Never Meaning To Send

by HobbitFeels



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Ableist Language, Ficlet, M/M, Post Mary, Post Season 3, john is back at 221b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 12:05:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1817836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HobbitFeels/pseuds/HobbitFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John makes a discovery and wants answers</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Meaning To Send

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this, particularly asknerdymind's comment.  
> http://onthelosingside.tumblr.com/post/89375629157/asknerdymind-ive-nearly-been-in-contact-so

John thrusted a bundle of envelopes toward Sherlock. They were all addressed to John H. Watson at varying addresses: Baker Street, the flat he moved to shortly after Sherlock's funeral, and the place he shared with Mary.

"Sherlock, what are these?" John asked.  
Sherlock tensed visibly. "Where did you get those?"  
"Not that you get to be asking questions at the moment, but not two minutes ago you sent me into your wardrobe because you couldn't be arsed to get off the sofa. Now tell me, where did you get those?"  
"Those aren't for you to see!" Sherlock snapped.  
John countered, "They've got my sodding name on them!"

Sherlock stared at John, planning to intimidate him into silence. Sometimes, perhaps, but not today. 

"I'm going to ask you one more time. Where did you get those? Were you intercepting my mail? Who were they from?"

Sherlock sized John up quickly. John allowed him much more privacy than he ever granted John--had it been a pile of letters addressed to Sherlock, he would have left it alone--but John had seen his own name. Who knew what conclusions he was attempting to piece together in his mind? John's hard set jaw told Sherlock it wasn't the right conclusion, at any rate. 

Sighing, Sherlock said, "Has the time you have spent solving cases with me taught you nothing? The letters have no postmarks and only half of them even have postage. The rest of them were never that close to being sent. There is no return address, but I imagine if you could have remained calm when encountering letters addressed to you stashed in my wardrobe, you would have recognized the writing. Those are my letters, John. They may have your name on them, but I never surrendered them to you. They are mine even still."

John looked down and to the side, fidgeting with his mouth while the information sank in. "When?"

"While I was gone those two years. I told you, I almost made contact so many times. I wanted to explain, I had things I left unsaid to you, and sometimes I was simply lonely."  
"You? Lonely?" asked John with quiet astonishment.  
"Without you," Sherlock confessed. 

John nodded, rolling his lips in. He nodded again, this one a single, emphatic bob. "Right," he said, seemingly as punctuation. 

Sherlock watched John disappear up his steps. He had known this wouldn't end well the moment John shoved those letters at him. Listening keenly, Sherlock heard no evidence of a brewing strop. Although John was moving about, the noises sounded more deliberate. 

To Sherlock's surprise, John returned quickly, carrying a small strong box down the stairs with him. He handed it to Sherlock. 

"It is unlocked," John said softly.

Sherlock peeked inside. There were dozens of folded letters but no envelopes. He opened one. 

"Dearest Sherlock," it began.

**Author's Note:**

> I've ended this work here. 
> 
> So far, I’ve blocked 4 BNFs tonight for being bullies. 
> 
> Seriously? I’ve been on Tumblr (under on URL or another) for 5 years, reblogging, giving fandom love, writing my little smatterings of fan fiction, really excited about your discourse, seeing some of you join fandom from scratch, being among your first little bundles of followers, and y’all are going to gang up on me now? For loving TJLC? For loving Johnlock? For wanting better from the creators for fandom? For supporting you all these years instead of making desperate grabs for BNF-hood myself? For sharing with others who I thought were “my people” at a time like this when we are all scared and worried and anxious and wondering if we are on the last loop of a ride or if we were taken for suckers. I thought TJLC was a safe space for me. I thought I could talk to y’all without being shouted down. 
> 
> So much for “my inbox is always open.” I didn’t even presume to go to the inbox…I was worried it was too personal, that maybe I didn’t belong enough to reach out one to one. I reblogged to my own instead…only to be proven totally right. I wasn’t wanted. 
> 
> Nothing like making me hate this fandom in the 11th hour, folks. Nothing like making me feel Other and Outside and cry in my own shipping corner of fandom. 
> 
> Well fucking done.


End file.
